Lola vs Lana
by Crash5020
Summary: Lola and Lana Loud fight over a lot of things, but this time they're fighting over one thing... Lincoln's pen pal, Timmy Turner. Now it's up to the always stuck in the middle middle child to prevent a fight he fears could lead to a major disaster.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This story takes place after the events of **The Fairly Loud Halloween**. It's not essential to this story, but I figured it should mention it for continuity reasons.

* * *

On another average day at the Loud House, Lincoln's pen pal, Timmy Turner, came over for a visit to conduct a comic book trade.

"Alright, Timmy, I'll give you my 1st print Ace Savvy Issue #3 for your Limited Edition Crimson Chin Issue #237," said Lincoln.

"You make a tough deal, Lincoln, but you got a deal," said Timmy.

Lincoln and Timmy happily finished their trade as Lincoln's mother, Rita, called for Lincoln.

"I got to go see what my mom wants," said Lincoln. "I'll be right back."

"Alright," said Timmy.

Lincoln ran out of his room to see what his mother needed and Timmy decided to explore the house instead of waiting. Timmy peeked into Lola and Lana's room and found Lola in the middle of a tea party with her stuffed animals. Timmy walked in, prompting Lola to scoff, "Who invited you?"

"I thought I'd join you," said Timmy.

"What?!" Lola exclaimed.

Lola couldn't believe what she just heard. She never heard of a boy willingly ask to join a tea party.

"Um, sure… take a seat," said the perplexed 6-year old.

Timmy took the seat next to Lola and she grabbed her toy teapot.

"Would you like some tea, Mr. Turner?" asked Lola.

Timmy took the teapot from Lola and responded with, "Oh please, Ms. Loud, a lady with your beauty shouldn't pour tea for others. Allow me."

Timmy refilled Lola's teacup, sending her heart aflutter. Lola sipped from her tea cup with bright red cheeks and watched Timmy drink from his cup.

"How come you're so well versed in the art of tea parties?" asked Lola. "Did your mom teach you?"

"No, my dad taught me," said Timmy. "He thought I was going to be a girl and was determined to teach someone how to act during tea parties. The fact that I turned out to be a boy didn't change that. That's also the reason that my shirt and hat are pink. It's one of the sources of my frequent bullying."

"I think real men wear pink," Lola said with a cute smile.

"Well, it's nice that someone likes my clothes," said Timmy.

Timmy sipped some more of his tea before realizing that that Lola was still smiling at him. Feeling a little uncomfortable, Timmy put his cup down and said, "I'm going to go find your brother. See ya."

Timmy walked out of the house and was immediately hit with a ball of mud. Timmy wiped the mud off his face and looked to his right, where he found Lana making another mud ball.

"Hey, Timmy, wanna go a round?" Lana said with a devilish smile.

Timmy smirked back at her and said, "Lana… you have no what you just got yourself into."

Timmy ran behind the Loud Family's tree and few seconds later came back around with large rope cannon.

"Whoa…" Lana muttered.

She was amazed at the tool Timmy pulled out of nowhere, giving Timmy the perfect target. Timmy pulled the rope and shot a giant mud ball at Lana, burying her under a giant pile of mud. Timmy walked to the pile of mud and began to wonder if he would have to dig Lana out. Soon, Lana excitedly popped out from the top of the pile of mud, jumped from the top and landed in Timmy's arms.

"I only dreamed of having a pile of mud as big as this," said the amazed 6-year old. "I can only dig up so much from the yard. By the way where did you get that cannon?"

"Uh, Internet?" Timmy answered in a very suspicious manner.

"I would kill for something like that," said Lana.

"You can have it, if you want," Timmy said with a nonchalant shrug.

"Really?!" Lana exclaimed.

"Sure," said Timmy. "You can consider it a gift for helping me on Halloween."

Lana shot a confused look Timmy's way, causing him to remember that Lana and her siblings do not remember what really happened Halloween night.

"What are you talking about?" asked Lana.

"Uh… never mind," Timmy quickly replied. "Anyway, you want it?"

"Heck yeah!" Lana excitedly answered.

"Good. I'll leave it in your capable hands," said Timmy.

"Capable?" Lana repeated.

"I know how good you are when it comes to mud," said Timmy. "No one's better then you"

Lana started giggling nervously as Lincoln walked outside.

"Hey, Timmy, your dad called," said Lincoln. "He said something about you being late for your tea party."

"Uh, are you sure he didn't say a **me** party," said the slightly embarrassed 10-year old. "Cause he does have those every month. Not lying."

"No, I'm pretty sure he said tea party," Lincoln replied.

Timmy sighed in disbelief and tried to save face.

"Guess I gotta go home and see what he wants," said Timmy.

"But I told you what he wants," Lincoln reminded him.

"…Guess I gotta home and see what he wants," Timmy said in a dejected tone.

Timmy stood Lana up and said, "See ya, Lincoln. See ya, Lana."

Timmy walked away and as soon as he was out of sight, Lincoln caught a brief glimpse of purple smoke. Before he could process what he just saw though, he realisedthat Lana was still giggling and wondered why. The next day, Lincoln woke up and screamed when he found Lola right in face.

"Lola, what are you doing here?!" Lincoln asked as he clutched his chest.

"Oh, just seeing how my favorite brother is doing," said Lola.

That was something that Lincoln doesn't hear much from Lola, which meant only one thing.

"Okay, what do you want, Lola?" asked Lincoln.

"I was just wondering… when's the next time Timmy's coming over?" asked Lola.

Lincoln rubbed his eyes and said, "I don't know. Why do you want to know?"

"Can't a sister have an interest in her brother's social life?" asked Lola.

"You never have before," said Lincoln.

"I like to do new things," Lola said in an annoyed tone.

"Okay…" said the perplexed 11-year old.

Later that morning, Lincoln and Lori watched TV until Lana walked in with her plunger.

"Hey, Lincoln, when's Timmy coming back over?" asked Lana.

"I don't know," Lincoln answered. "Why do you ask?"

"I want see him again," Lana answered bluntly.

As Lincoln wondered what Lana meant, they soon heard Leni scream about a snake in her bed. Lana rushed upstairs to save her pet and Lincoln wondered aloud, "Why do Lola and Lana want to know when Timmy's coming back so badly?"

"Isn't it obvious, Lincoln?" asked Lori.

"What do you mean?" asked the confused 11-year old.

"Come on, it's like literally the most obvious thing," said Lori.

Lincoln still didn't understand what Lori was talking about and Lori sighed in disbelief.

"Tell you what, I'll let you figure it out for yourself," said Lori. "Come see me when you eventually do figure it out."

Later that afternoon, Lincoln walked out of his room, reading a comic book, and overheard Lola talking to her stuffed animals in her room. Nothing out of the ordinary, but he soon stopped when he heard Lola mention a certain name… Timmy.

"When did Timmy get here," Lincoln wondered.

Lincoln peeked into the room and to his surprise, he didn't find Lola having a tea party with Timmy, but a stuffed bear dressed him

"What's that, Timmy? You think I have the eyes of a goddess?" asked Lola. "Oh, Timmy, you always know just what to say. More tea?"

Lincoln quickly looked away and thought to himself, "Despite her usually complimenting herself like that, I think the Timmy doll makes it mean something entirely different."

Lincoln walked into Lori and Leni's room and found Lori reading a magazine.

"Figured it out yet?" asked Lori.

"I think I get what you're talking about with Lola, but I don't think it's the same for Lana," said Lincoln.

"Oh yeah?" Lori chuckled. "Look outside."

Lincoln did exactly that and was shocked to find that the mud pile Timmy left behind the day before was designed in Timmy's image. Lana jumped off the pile and marveled at what she has done.

"Ok, I get it now, Lori, and I'm a little disturbed that I didn't realize it sooner," said the disturbed 11-year old. "Lola and Lana have a crush on Timmy! Do you know what this means?"

"That they'll bug the two of you whenever he comes over?" Lori asked.

"That's probably true, but that's not what I meant," said Lincoln. "Don't you realize what will happen when they find out that they like the same guy?! I mean we're talking about the same two people who fight over a sandwich! This could lead to their biggest fight yet. A fight so big it could that it could destroy the fragile balance of siblingship they have! We have to keep them from finding out!"

"Don't you think you're exaggerating, Lincoln?" asked Lori.

"We're talking about Lola and Lana!" Lincoln yelled.

"Point taken," said Lori. "But do you think the two of us can handle a job like that?"

"Don't worry, we'll have all the help we'll ever need," said the confident 11-year old.

Lincoln walked to the door, opened it and soon Lily, Lisa, Lucy, Lynn, Luan, Luna and Leni tumbled on in.

"I don't think that I have to bring you guys up to speed," said Lincoln.

"Well, we're not slow," Luan chuckled. "Get it?"

"Plus, I have something that can help us in this excursion," Lisa said she adjusted her glasses.

Lisa led her siblings to her and Lily's room and removed a part of the wall to reveal a red button. Lisa pushed the button and a computer console with multiple monitors rose from the floor. The monitors turned on to show parts of the house.

"Wow! Our house is on TV!" said Leni, excited by what she saw.

"You have cameras in our rooms?!" Lori exclaimed.

"Of course. It's for my sleep cycle studies," Lisa exclaimed. "Of course you don't remember the last time I explained this because I erased your memories of it."

"What?!" her siblings exclaimed.

"That's not important right now," said Lisa. "Right now we need to focus on the objective at hand."

"Wait a minute! You mean you really messed with our memories?!" asked the outraged Lynn.

"We can deal with that later, Lynn… that is if she doesn't erase our memories again," said Lincoln. "Right now we have to keep Lola and Lana away from each other."

"Well, how do you plan to do that, lil bro?" asked Luna.

"Here's the plan guys," Lincoln started. "Obviously we can't let Lola see the mud statue outside, which means we can't let her go outside or anywhere with a view of the front yard. With Lana, we can't let her near Lola at all, because we all know that Lola would brag about having a boyfriend to Lana and that would definitely start a fight. So, we're going to split up in teams; each one dedicated solely to keeping one of them away from the other. And as we're doing, we'll have to think of a more permanent solution to this issue because we can't keep them apart forever no matter how much we'd like to."

"More like we can't keep them apart at all," said Lucy, now looking out of the window.

Her siblings quickly gathered around the window and found Lola and Lana arguing outside.

"Maybe they're arguing about something else," said Lincoln, trying to keep everyone calm.

Lincoln opened the window and heard Lola yell, "You can't like Timmy! I like Timmy!"

"I like Timmy too!" Lana yelled back.

"We had a tea party together!" Lola argued.

"He gave a mud cannon!" Lana argued back.

"He's my crush!" Lola claimed.

"Mine!" Lana also claimed.

"Mine!" Lola yelled

"Mine!" Lana yelled back.

The Loud Sibling sighed and a defeated Lincoln said, "Let's go stop them."

Suddenly, an idea popped into Lisa's head and she pulled a pen out of her pocket.

"I'll erase their memories!" Lisa said, full of resolve.

"Will you stop wiping our memories!?" Lincoln said as he swiped the memory erasing pen from Lisa. "Whoa… Déjà vu."

Lincoln ran outside and jumped in the middle of the twins.

"Guys, guys, come on! You don't need to fight over this!" said Lincoln. "It's not important."

"Yes it is!" Lola yelled. "I always tolerated living with this girl with her disgusting habits and multiple pets that interrupt my beauty sleep. But this time she has crossed the line! I refuse to hand Timmy over to you, Lana!"

"That goes double for me," said Lana. "It's time we settle this the way it was planned when we were 3!"

"What are you talking about?" asked Lincoln.

"The crush contract," said Lola. "When we were 3, we signed a contract that gives us a solution to settle this kind of feud."

"Which is?" asked Lincoln.

"A fight to the death!" said Lana. "Really the first one who goes down is the loser."

"Are you two insane?!" said Lincoln. "That's not the solution to this issue!"

"We don't have a choice, Lincoln," said Lola. "We have to do as the contract says."

"Why?!" asked Lincoln.

Lisa walked up to them, holding the referred contract, and explained, "According to the contract, if they don't engage in combat, they both have to give up the object of their affection."

"Who made that contract?" asked the dumbfounded 11-year old.

"You did," said Lisa.

Lincoln grabbed the contract in disbelief and scanned through it.

"I had to make this during my let everyone fight it out phase," Lincoln muttered.

"I'll see you out here at noon!" said Lana.

"It's already noon!" Lola pointed put.

"Then I'll see you one hour after noon!" said Lana.

Lola and Lana walked off in separate directions, as a concerned Lincoln muttered, "This isn't going to end well."

1 hour later, The Loud Siblings set up lawn chairs in the front yard to watch the battle to come.

"Shouldn't we be trying to stop this fight?" asked Lincoln.

"Lincoln, it's Lola and Lana," said Lori. "They're fights aren't like the fights in your silly video games. It's literally just going to be a lot jumping on each other and pulling hair."

"Plus, this will provide me with data on how love affects people negatively," Lisa added.

Suddenly, Luna walked out of the house with guitar and drums.

"Why do you have those?" asked Lincoln.

"They wanted dramatic fight music," Luna answered.

"You can tell this isn't going to be the fight," said Lincoln.

Luna started playing a slow drum beat as Lola and Lana approached each other on the front lawn.

"I'm giving you one chance, Lana, give up," said Lola.

"You give up," said Lana.

"You give up!" Lola yelled.

"You give up!" Lana yelled.

"Enough!" Lola yelled, realizing they were getting nowhere. "Let's do this!"

Lola and Lana clasped each other's right hands and started a thumb war. Their thumbs kept pushing the other's back in a struggle to reign supreme. After a couple of seconds of wrestling, Lola feints Lana into thinking she's won and pins her thumb down. Lola then threw Lana on the ground and tied her up with her sash.

"Time to give you something your long overdue for…" Lola said as she grabbed a metal box.

Lola opened the box and showed its content to Lana.

"You wouldn't dare," Lana muttered, fearful of what her twin had on her mind.

"…time for a makeover," Lola said with a sinister smile.

"NOOOOO!" Lana shouted before eating her way free from Lola's sash.

Lana then spat the remains of the sash on Lola's face, infuriating her.

"That was my favorite sash!" Lola shouted as she clenched her fists.

Lana grabbed her plunger as Lola grabbed a stick and they charged at each other. As they swung their weapons at each other, Lincoln leaned over to Lori and said, "You were wrong, Lori. This is definitely starting to be like one of my video games."

Lincoln then turned to Luna and gave her a thumbs-up for the appropriate battle music. Lana shoved her plunger in Lola's face and started plunging it until Lola grabbed some glitter from her box and threw it in Lana's face. As Lana wiped the glitter off her face, Lola removed the plunger from hers and used it to knock Lana to the family tree. Lana ducked behind the tree as Lola approached her with a sinister smile.

"Give up, Lana. You know you can't beat me!" Lola said with a sinister giggle.

Lola peeked behind the tree and was immediately knocked back by a giant ball of mud. Lola wiped the mud off of her face and was shocked to watch Lana push a cannon from behind the tree. Lana gave Lola a confident grin and launched more mud balls at her twin. Lola dodged the barrage of mud balls and threw her tiara into the cannon before another mud ball was launched, jamming it. Soon the mud piled up inside the cannon, causing it to blow up, flinging the twins into the fence. Lana sat up and tearfully watched the pieces of her cannon rain down from above.

"I had so many plans for that thing…" Lana muttered.

"Good riddance," said Lola.

Lana clenched her fists and shouted, "That was a gift from Timmy!"

Lana and Lola stood up off the ground and circled around each other. After a few seconds of staring each other down, they ran towards each other and started slapping each other before they simultaneously pushed each other to the ground. Tired and out of tactics, Lola crawled to her makeup box and grabbed a fistful of glitter as Lana grabbed a fistful of dirt. Lola and Lana staggered over to each other and simultaneously slapped each other unconscious with their mud and glitter respectively.

"Too bad the cannon already blew up. It could have been an explosive finale," Luan chuckled.

Later that day, Lola and Lana woke up in their room with Lincoln. The woozy Lola sat up and asked, "What happened? Did I win?"

"Yeah. Who went down first?" asked Lana.

"You two went down at the same time," said Lincoln. "No one won."

"WHAT?!" the twins exclaimed.

"I demand a recount!" said Lola.

"You can't get a recount on this kind of thing," said Lincoln. "Anyway, I hope you two learned a valuable lesson from this."

Lola and Lana looked at each other, confused, and asked, "What lesson?"

"That fighting over a boy is never good," said Lincoln.

"But you're the one who made the contract," Lana pointed out.

"Yeah. Don't try to sound all high and mighty," Lola said in a snide tone.

"Yeah, that wasn't one of my better moments," Lincoln admitted. "But still, you guys fought over a lot of things but you never let your fights get this serious."

Lola and Lana looked at each other again and said, "Yes, we have."

"Ok, point is, you two need another way to deal with this issue, because you kind of destroyed the front yard and we got to clean it up before mom and dad get home!" said Lincoln.

Lola turned to Lana and said, "He's right, you know. I think we both know that there's only one way to end this."

"Yeah, I do," Lana said as she nodded in agreement. "Timmy is off-limits to us."

"You guys sure?" asked Lincoln.

"It's the only way," said Lola.

"Let's shake on it," said Lana.

The twins shook hands and Lincoln left the room, satisfied that his sisters had come to an agreement.

"You had your fingers crossed, didn't you?" asked Lola.

"Yep," Lana answered. "You did too, right?"

"Yep," said Lola. "You know what this means right?"

"May the best twin win," said Lana.

"I intend to," said Lola.

Meanwhile in the hallway, Lincoln breathed a sigh of relief as Lisa walked up to him.

"Do I need to wipe out their memories?" asked Lisa.

"No, Lisa, you don't need to wipe anyone's memories," said Lincoln.

As if on cue, Lincoln and Lisa heard their mother yell, " **What happened to our yard!?"**

"Uh, maybe one person," said the frightened 11-year old.


	2. Epilogue

At the Loud House, Lincoln was in his room, waiting for Timmy to arrive.

"That's weird," said Lincoln. "He said he'd be here by now."

Lincoln walked out of his room and down the hallway. Lincoln stopped at the stairs and walked back to the open doorway of leading to Lola and Lana's room. Lincoln looked in and noticed Timmy being tugged back and forth by Lola and Lana.

"Timmy? When did you get here?" asked Lincoln.

"I've been here," said Timmy. "Lola said you were busy doing chores and that I could wait for you here. Then Lana came and showed me her new pet. Then there was yelling and soon I lost all feeling in my arms."

Lincoln stared at his sisters and asked, "You had your fingers crossed, didn't you?"

"Yep," said Lana.

"Duh," said Lola.

At that moment, Lisa walked in with a scanner that beeped louder as she moved closer to Timmy. She then pulled out a digital audio recorder and said, "Subject continues to lend evidence to my theory."

Lisa walked out of the room, leaving everyone confused.

"Well, that was weird," said Timmy.

 **To be continued in The Fairly OddParents: The Perfect Girlfriend.**


	3. Deleted Scene

"Hey, Timmy, your dad called," said Lincoln. "He said something about you being late for your tea party."

"Uh, are you sure he didn't say a **me** party," said the slightly embarrassed 10-year old. "Cause he does have those every month. Not lying."

"No, I'm pretty sure he said tea party," Lincoln replied.

Timmy sighed in disbelief and tried to save face.

"Guess I gotta go home and see what he wants," said Timmy.

"But I told you what he wants," Lincoln reminded him.

"…Guess I gotta home and see what he wants," Timmy said in a dejected tone.

Suddenly, Timmy's hat was knocked off his head. He stood Lana up and turned around to pick up his hat, only to find Lola holding it for him.

"Thanks," Timmy said, accepting his hat back.

"So, Timmy… want to ride in my car?" Lola asked with red cheeks.

"No," Timmy replied. "I got to get home to my dad's te- me party."

"Oh…" muttered the disappointed 6-year old. "Well, next time you come over, I'll make sure we have better tea for our tea pa-"

"Oh, look at the time!" Timmy interrupted. "Gotta go!"

Timmy ran into the distance and, as soon as he was out of sight, Lincoln caught a brief glimpse of purple smoke. Before he could process what he just saw though, he noticed that Lana was still giggling and Lola was staring into the distance with a smitten look on her face.


End file.
